I’m at a time in my life where I have no one to really talk to. Nobody to whom I may vent my frustrations, concerns, or inward struggles. That said, when I do meet someone with whom I seemingly connect on a cerebral level, I’m more than a little joyful! I’m not claiming to be special or
particularly intelligent in any sort of elevated manner, but it’s safe to say I ride a different wave than most.
If nothing else, I’ve learned that just because someone’s ‘riding my wave’ (or doing a damn fine job pretending to), it doesn’t mean they’re good for me or should be held too close. I’ve been burned many times, but there are a few in particular which impacted me greatly. People whom appeared to be of like mind were actually just posing. People whom I thought valued me and my presence in their lives were really only in it for what I could do for them. People whom I believed cared about my well-being (as I cared about theirs) prefer to poke at me or have me consume large quantities of alcohol for their own ‘entertainment’, regardless of what it means for my health. It almost makes me want to toss out the “if you can’t handle me at my best, you don’t deserve me at my worst” quote but unfortunately, that little gem belongs to snotty bitches that never deserved fuck-all from the get-go attempting to justify infantile behavior.
I recently did it again (oops). I met someone I got on with swimmingly and we seemingly became fast friends. With my need to just talk to someone about stuff sometimes, I unfortunately went a little overboard and unleashed a flood upon this person. Looking back, I wish I’d paced myself because this caused distance where there wasn’t any before. Nothing was said or done to wrong me, but it feels as if I turned a friend into an acquaintance. It’s frustrating because while my cats are good listeners, they suck at providing feedback without unsolicited advice.
Why even bother?