Now, part of me know that this is likely bullshit. This woman really likes to talk and inflate herself. Another part of me can actually see this going down. If I didn't need the increased pay so badly, I'd probably try to find out if this is true at all and graciously step down if it turns out the deciding factor wasn't based on merit. Maybe I'm just wasting too much time and energy thinking about this. It's just that after working (hard) for a company for 6.5 years, there's really nothing more I can do to prove my loyalty and work ethic. I'm out of gas, so to speak. I can understand why; I'm meant for something else. I just don't know for sure what that is.
Enough about boring work shit. I've just been feeling really down and inadequate lately. When I hit a low like this, it usually means prime songwriting times! However, I am uninspired. I've put together a couple of bluesy backing tracks, but no decent lyrics are coming to me. I feel so much, but have such a tough time putting it all into words. I hope this creative block fades away soon.
I haven't been sleeping well, it's like the inside of my head is a room full of hundreds of people yammering on unintelligibly and I can't turn it off/clear my mind. Just to clarify, I don't really hear voices, but that's the best way I can describe the 'busy-ness'. One would assume that mental exhaustion would help a person fall asleep, but apparently not in my case.
I do plan on going out singing some karaoke on Saturday. It's a wonderful outlet and just makes me feel better, especially when onlookers are actually into it and enjoying what I'm throwing out there. It's something to look forward to, at least.