A couple of weeks ago, I was promoted to a training position at workie. I was second choice, only offered the position when they absolutely needed me but hell, I’ll take it. It comes with a raise. Just to digress for a moment, I hate that I’m actually pretty intelligent, yet I’m so damn mediocre in a workplace setting. As hard as I work, my head just isn't in it. Mindless labour used to be just fine for me because it’s all about bringing in the almighty paycheck and surviving. Lately though, I just wish I could do something I really want to do and make a living at it. Me and millions of others, I suppose. Anyway, I've been trying my best at this new position at work, but I constantly feel anxious inside, like I’m just not doing enough or measuring up. I know it’s the anxiety disorder mostly talking, but that is of little comfort. It keeps me from doing a lot of things I’d love to do.
One good thing is that I was working a day shift the past couple of weeks and as of today, I’m back to working until midnight. I love having my time to myself, especially when that time is after dark. I haven’t felt like myself in a good, long while and I think this might help a little. I’m looking forward to getting back into singing and painting. I think a little creativity would do this soul some good. Sometimes I have to kick myself in the ass to actually get up and START, but it will surely be worth it.